Grandma .. Not Good With Hair .. GREAT With Chicken*

Today I was able to think about my grandmother's passing and NOT cry. In 7 days it will make 9 months that my grandmother has passed away, but a part of me does not believe it. (Is this normal?) Above I have placed a picture of a collage that my grandmother made a few months before her passing. It was supposed to be a frame full of pictures of the family, but I noticed that I am all over it. I decided to keep it and put it in my room the way it was when I saw it on her living room wall. (Yes even the pictures that aren't inside the frame were like that). I, like many first grandchildren in a family, was her favorite. She spoiled the hell out of me and I am pretty sure that if I asked her for the world she would give it to me. I can say that this is the worse pain that I have felt in my life so far. To this day I still can not speak about my grandmother without feeling horrible sadness and crying .. but I have made some progress because I can think about her without getting angry, feeling cheated, and having no tears falling from my eyes. I used to get pissed off at thoughts of my grandmother not being around. It was an inexplicable feeling. I never felt abandoned by her though, just felt like she was taken from me at a time that I needed HER the most. From this experience I have learned that people can be taken from me any second. The ones that I may feel I need, even the ones that hold no purpose in my life can one day disappear and become unreachable, and it saddens me. When I think about life, it seems so unreal, and it doesn't make sense. People work hard on a daily basis to try to get the best out of life, but they aren't able to take the best out of life with them when they die .. So what's the point? Am I being pessimistic? After dealing with my grandmother dying I feel that I have become less passionate about everything, even though there are so many people that react in an opposite manner. It feels like the life has been taken out of me .. I don't know. Pardon me for being all over the place, but I didn't plan out what I was going to write about.

Anyway, back to my grandmother lol. She was a great woman. She had a horrible attitude sometimes (you had to do a lot to get it out of her though), and that woman really could NOT do hair. The ones close to me know that hair is one of my obsessions. I love hair; all types, all colors, all textures, all styles. I'm a hair freak. My grandmother on the other hand was not and I think she is the reason my hair is so damaged. I remember having the worst hair on picture day, holidays, even my own birthdays. She was the worse =) But even though she could not do hair, I could never get mad at her. That woman made some of the best meals a Puerto Rican and Black girl could have ever eaten .. I think she is the reason I am in love with food (chicken in particular). She taught me how to cook, how to make huge meals, how to food shop, and even how to make my own sofritos and reacaitos. I miss that woman. Oh but yeah .. I went food shopping today and am very happy with what I got.
Don't mind me I am sort of a fat ass. ;}









Quotation: Samantha Wash. : In order to get ahead in life you have to struggle. You have to bust your ass, you have to live as if you're only living to succeed. Don't get depressed don't nobody got not time for that you feel me? You have to do what guys do to get a girl in the bed. They buy flowers, take the girl out, listen to lame stories and even say I love you just to get some ass. Just think of life as that girl you really want to f**k. =)

Favorite Pic Of The Day: Guess Who That Is ...